SCENE: Governor Walz’s command post van, parked out back of the Minnesota State Fair. Governor WALZ enters, dressed in his “regular Joe” costume, trailed by Lieutenant Governor FLANAGAN, sans turquoise earrings. Trailing after in the entourage are the Governor’s press secretary, Moonbeam BIRKENSTOCK, and Lt. Gov. Flanagan’s press aide Cat SCAT. WALZ’s face is red, causing his eyebrows to stand out like little white flares on a dark night. Several other staffers, as well as FLANAGAN’s husband, former MPR political reporter and NPR’s MyLyssa SILBERMAN, reporter for National Public Radio’s Saint Paul bureau, covering the “Fake News” and “Diversity” beats, and Betty Rae TORSTENGAARDSEN, a writer at the (possibly fictional) progressive blog “MinnesotaLiberalAlliance.Blogspot.com“, and Lac Qui Parle County Dairy Princess in 1987, and voted “most likely to end up as a freelance political writer” by her sorority at U of M Morris in 1992.
WALZ: What the hell was that?
FLANAGAN: Weren’t they tooooold of the policy?
BIRKENSTOCK: It was on the handout (SCAT produces the handout); “The state fair is only about food and baby animals“.
WALZ: Then what the hell was this?
BIRKENSTOCK: It was all that out of town media.
WALZ: Well, what can we do about them?
SILBERMAN: What do you mean, “do”?
WALZ: Can we get rid of them until they know the rules? I mean, just look at this:
WALZ: I mean, what happened to the reporters who knows the rules? Peggy, what did you do with that guy from Public Minnesota Radio?
FLANAGAN: Dated and married him? (WEBER gushes).
WALZ: Can one of you date and marry that woman?
(BIRKENSTOCK and SCAT trade nervous glances)
BIRKENSTOCK: Uhhhhh…
WALZ: Look – the Minnesota media knows their place. What’s it gonna take to get these national people to follow the rules?
SILBERMAN: I probably shouldn’t be talking here, but playing games with access usually does the trick.
BIRKENSTOCK: I know, we gotta get in control of that.
TORSTENGAARDSEN: Or – and this may seem a little radical – you could answer policy questions from the press…
(Everyone in the room looks at TORSTENGAARDSEN as if she’s farted in church)
WALZ: Get her the hell out of here.
(Security guards and Secret Service pass TORSTENGAARDSEN out of the van like it’s a mosh pit in 1992).
WALZ: OK. Serious discussion here. National media. What the hell? Think, people…
And SCENE
Have a Walz day at the fair with no rubes about? ANY rubes. Just turkey legs and pork chops on a stick scattered about. No rubes whatsoever. It’s coming…
And I thought it was bad when Comrade Obama made very clear that he wasn’t very good thinking on his feet…and when Biden went months without a press conference….now we have major party candidates that won’t even take a question or two from the media unless it’s guaranteed to be totally innocuous to them.
And of course, the smelly maskers are present. Good God. Make Masks Ilegal Again! MMIA!