SCENE:   Mitch Berg is waiting for a coffee order before going on a road trip when Evan SCHMEISSER-JUNG, political scientist, walks into the room. 

SCHMEISSER-JUNG:  Merg!

BERG: Oh, hey, Evan.  Long time no…

SCHMEISSER-JUNG: Shut up!   Did you see the results of the Twins game last night?

BERG: Yeah, the bullpen kinda let us down…

SCHMEISSER-JUNG: Why are you melting down over the Twins?

BERG:  Er, I’m not sure I follow…

SCHMEISSER-JUNG:  I just mentioned the Twins game, and you started melting down over it.  It’s just a baseball game. 

BERG:  Oh, great.  This again.  

SCHMEISSER-JUNG:   What again?

BERG:   Describing a perfectly emotionally neutral response – usually but not always in writing – as “Melting Down”. It’s a strawman and a deflection – trying to force me to defend a non-existent emotional state rather than arguing the actual point.  It’s illogical, and kinda rhetorically abusive. 

SCHMEISSER-JUNG:  So you’re angry.

BERG: Huh?

SCHMEISSER-JUNG: You’re roiling  with anger!

BERG: Aaaaand more of the same.

SCHMEISSER-JUNG:  Does this make you maaaaad?

BERG: No.

SCHMEISSER-JUNG: Tell the truth.

BERG: OK, the truth: no, and try to find a new subject. 

SCHMEISSER-JUNG:  Speaking of straw men, why do you always transfer political subjects to fake people like Avery Librelle?

LIBRELLE: (sitting at a high-top table drinking free water and using the wi-fi). Beg pardon?

BERG:  See?  Not so much a fake person as a satirical invention.  Because sometimes satire illuminates the truth better than just butting my head into it.

SCHMEISSER-JUNG:  So you’re both melting down.  

BERG: (Audibly sighs, turns back toward the front, waiting to order, as LIBRELLE looks on, puzzled )

SCHMEISSER-JUNG:  More melting down.

(BERG orders a large dark roast with heavy cream.  LIBRELLE goes back to playing Wordle) .

SCHMEISSER-JUNG:  Feel the rage.

BERG:  Exits stage R

And SCENE