SCENE: The newsroom at the Star/Tribune.
Laird TORKELSON, political reporter, is sitting at his desk. An ash tray overflows on his desk as TORKELSON, wearing a porkpie hat with a “Press” pass stuck into the hat band and a rumpled dress shirt pecks away at an IBM Selectric.
A push-button desk phone rings. Then rings again. Finally, TORKELSON picks up the phone.
TORKELSON: Newsroom. Torkelson.
(Carrie LUCKING from the Alliance for a Better Minnesota is on the line. We hear her through the earpiece)
LUCKING: Hey, Laird. We’ve got some work to do here…
TORKELSON: Hey, Ms. Lucking – I’m kinda busy covering…
LUCKING: Bla bla bla. Did I ask for your biography? Now listen up.
(TORKELSON goes silent)
LUCKING: Four years ago, the Strib did a good job of preventing outstate DFLers from flaking away from the Governor on Second Amendment issues by spinning Mark Dayton as a gun owner.
TORKELSON: That wasn’t me, but OK…
LUCKING: This time, we want to try to get libertarians inside the GOP to flake away from the Republicans.
TORKELSON: Right – we did that earlier this month, with the “Governor Dayton is a Libertarian” meme.
LUCKING: Right. But now the polling is showing the governor in trouble. So we need you to do a little more for us.
TORKELSON: (pulling a notebook from his desk drawer, grabbing a pen). OK, shoot.
LUCKING: Governor Dayton is a black single mother.
TORKELSON: (starts writing) A black… (stops writing) single mother?
LUCKING: Yep.
TORKELSON: But that’s completely implausible.
LUCKING: (Bursts out in a dry, mirthless chuckle). And “Dayton is a Libertarian” was plausible? Look, I can get you a quote. (LUCKING shouts, presumably across office) Larry! Laird needs a quote!
(TORKELSON, puzzled, waits patiently)
VOICE: Hello, Laird? This is Larry JACOBS
TORKELSON: Oh, hi, Larry. You were visiting Carrie’s office?
JACOBS: No.
TORKELSON: Oh – um, OK. So about this “Dayton is a black single mother” thing, what can you say on the record?
JACOBS (sounding like he’s reading off a cue card): We can’t prove he’s not a black single mother. It’s plausible.
TORKELSON: Er…OK. Thanks, Doctor Jacobs…
(LUCKING takes the phone)
LUCKING: So we can run with that?
TORKELSON: Well, assuming my editor clears space for it…
LUCKING: Already talked to him! Front page, baby!
TORKELSON: Huh. OK. I should have it done by five.
LUCKING: Make it three. Thanks. (Phone clicks dead)
(TORKELSON leans back in his chair, as camera pulls back to a wide shot, showing him in an endless, orderly procession of desks, as the sound of electric typewriters becomes more and more intense.
Precognition: October Surprise, Governor Dayton has grown in office and is now a GAY Black Single Mother, wedding announcement expected shortly after the election.
Dayton, without the filter of the media is a minority unto himself. Stinking rich, plutocratic, privileged, socially awkward and highly medicated. Everytime he gets dumped, he runs for office in order to prove to himself and the world that he has enough money to buy himself anything he wants.