A source inside the Democratic National Committee leaked this transcript of a meeting early this morning to me. This, as far as I know, is a Shot In The Dark exclusive:
HOWARD DEAN: "OK, let's get started. Everybody? OK. Good job on the Foley thing. We had 'em on the ropes. But life is what happens when you're making other plans. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAARRRRRRRRHHHKH. This North Korea thing is big. Real big...
AL FRANKEN: "We were tho clothe!"
DEAN: "...so we gotta HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHRNN figure out a way to trump this Nuke thing before the elections. Floor's open, people. Think!
CINDY SHEEHAN: "We could, like, totally have the president, like, killed..."
MARKOS "KOS" MOULITSAS: "We could photoshop a picture of Condoleeza Rice dancing with Kim Jong-Il..."
MADELINE ALBRIGHT: "Get your own material..."
SHEEHAN: (Giggles happily and incoherently)
ARIANNA HUFFINGTON: "Dahling! Ve could find a pikchah of Dubya vith an Intern! Let me check my rolodex..."
FRANKEN: "That'th abtholutely fabuluth!"
DONNA BRAZILE: "Um, that didn't work before..."
MIKE MALLOY: "He paid for an abortion! He is a cokehead! Bushitler Crime Family Halliburton..."
DEAN: "Good! Good! Let the YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH creativity flow!"
HUFFINGTON: "Dahling!"
MOULITSAS: "How about we spread the word that he wants to start a draft?"
JERRY NADLER: "But we want to start a draft, punk..."
(cell phone rings)
HUFFINGTON: "Dahlings, I have to take this call..."
DEAN: "Good, good..."
PATTY WETTERLING: "We could run an ad saying that Bush admitted ordering the CIA to cover up the Foley scandal!"
HUFFINGTON: (to phone) "...No, the vegan pate, you incompetent moron..."
FRANKEN: "Oh, thith ith great! We could thpread the word that the Prethident ith a Thientologitht!"
JANEANE GAROFALO: "Oh, you bastard..."
JESSE JACKSON: "I have ears
on both sides of my head.
But I don't know,
what Franken said..."
SHEEHAN: "I found a dollar! Like, totally cool! (Giggles distractedly)
WILLIAM JEFFERSON: "Hey, that's mine..."
DEAN: "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEARGH!"
Mitch, I am having trouble remembering the closing credits ending of Team America, World Police. You know, the one with Kim Jong Il singing the "praises" of Alec Baldwin.
That would be oh, so neat, right now.
Posted by: Brad S at October 10, 2006 07:33 AM"But you are worthress, Arec Barrwin
You are worthress, Arec Barrwin
You f****d up my whole pran
And now Gyron is smeared
With Barmack porren
Your garbage needs some hauring
And you're worthress, Arec Barrwin
Now I must return home a failure
I'm afraid the Pit of Cryrock
Is carring"
Posted by: Nancy at October 10, 2006 07:41 AMTAKE THAT, HANS BRIX!
Posted by: angryclown at October 10, 2006 08:12 AM"JESSE JACKSON: "I have ears
on both sides of my head.
But I don't know,
what Franken said..."
*CACKLE*
This whole thing was hilarious, Mitch. Bravo!
Posted by: Bill C at October 10, 2006 09:52 AMThis work SCREAMS for a Hillary Clinton addition. And perhaps a guest appearance by the Ghost of Paul Wellstone.
Posted by: Dave at October 10, 2006 11:55 AMI sent a link to this to a few friends and one asked where the Exorcist head-spinning pea soup spewing scene was......
Posted by: The Lady Logician at October 10, 2006 01:24 PM