Shot In The Dark: Casablanca As Chick Flick

November 29, 2005

Casablanca As Chick Flick

In yesterday's piece on the anniversary of the movie Casablanca, commenter "Angryclown" wrote to claim that the movie was actually a "chick flick".

He's wrong - hardly unusual (Mr. Clown is a committed blue-stater, a lawyer and a member of the mainstream media; he's also the most accomplished chain yanker I've ever met, and that includes myself; most of his comments should be taken with one of those blocks of salt they sell out west to give to horses on hot days), but understandable. Casablanca mixes guy-flick elements (Bogart, the womanizing overgrown fratboy Renault, a couple of shootemups) with a few chickier factors thrown in (Ingrid Bergman is not Pamela Anderson; she's also married to sensitive egghead Viktor Laszlo).

However, there's a key point that Mr. Clown misses: If Casablanca were a "Chick Flick" in the current sense of the term, Bogey would have been too paralyzed with indecision...(SPOILER ALERT)...

...to shoot Strasser at the end of the film; Bergman would have shot Strasser and taken the plane to Lisbon by herself, leaving Blaine, Laszlo and Renault on the runway.

Don't tell me you don't know it.

Posted by Mitch at November 29, 2005 08:05 AM | TrackBack

Comments

To cleanse Casablanca of its chick-flick tendencies, I propose the following changes:

1. Laszlo and Rick get into a fistfight over Ilse, then become friends over several beers;

2. Rick kills more than just one Nazi - preferably at least a dozen - during a high-speed chase or firefight;

3. Renault becomes "Reno", an honest but naive western cop (kinda like Dennis Weaver in "McCloud".) And what's with Rick c*ck-blocking Renault on that Bulgarian chick? LOSE IT!;

4. No SINGING, duh! Sam, who's just about to retire from Rick's to take care of his wife and three kids, gets killed before he can sing a note. Also no CRYING.

5. Ilse's wardrobe becomes a little more revealing - think Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.

Posted by: angryclown at November 29, 2005 11:46 AM

No. Effing. Way.

Posted by: Badda-Blogger at November 29, 2005 12:02 PM

Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, wardrobe revealing?

Hardly.

Her....assets....were better emphasized in Erin Brockovich.

Posted by: Bill C at November 29, 2005 12:41 PM

Let me state without equivocation that Ingrid Bergman is (was) infinitely hotter than Pam Anderson. And if that opinion makes me a metrosexual or something, so be it.

Posted by: Lars Walker at November 29, 2005 12:50 PM

Most beautiful and intrigueing women in the history of Hollywood:

1) Ingrid Bergman
2) Teresa Wright
3) Lauren Bacall (circa 1950)
...
15) Julia Roberts
...
12,632) Martha Plimpton
...
17,343) Kathy Bates
...
225,341) Pamela Anderson.

Posted by: mitch at November 29, 2005 01:14 PM

Martha Plimpton?!?!!?!?

That's painful.

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